I'm Tired

                                 

hi ! its been awhile, how was life? how are you? are you alright? how was work?

welp! mine felt like shit. its fun and games until depression hit you. it feel like shit !

currently i'm working from home its not fun. not a single bit fun working from home. 

"eh untung la duduk rumah ja" " eh senang la duduk saja tak buat kje" " eh! best la tak kerja duduk rumah jaa". 

working is a responsibility. there is no such think working from home and ' duduk saja'. i'm not that type of person that does not think halal/haram you money worth from working. so please.. its not fun.. u are here, conducting subordinate from afar is shit!. i am loaded with work but i have to entertain others with their work. how is it fun? how is it 'senang'? why do people take me for granted. is it fun to make fun of me? to make me feel tired and exhausted? is fun to have so many work? to be known to have so much work? well its not ! i got so many meltdown for the pass few month. because i'm tired. shit i'm going to cry typing this. 

imagine working from 8am until 5pm sometime up until 7pm then prepare dinner--eat--wash myself-- continue working what i have left out just now. work until 10pm and sleep, i didn't have the chance to talk with my husband because i went to sleep too early. on top of that i still need to attend few work on Saturday and Sunday while other people can go out and spent time with their family. Me?! i'm working! because everything that revolve around me are urgent matter. i have to attend the issues at that actual moment. so please dont ask why i'm always tired.. dont make that stupid sexual joke that i didnt have enough sleep because of my husband. because i dont find them funny, rather then stupid. because i'm working my ass off backing up most of you guys and what did i get? 

home is where u expect to not think about work. to rest.. but now.. my house is my working space..

how? how can i stop thinking about work? 

i'm sorry.. too much emotion in this post.. i'm seriously tired.. i wish it could just stop.. i wish i could sleep without thinking my work. i know its silly of me to ask people to understand me, my work n my well being. but i wish for a moment people could just stop talking the same shit over and over again and think before they talk. i wish people understand that i'm like a train wreck right now..

so anyways.. its just my wishful thinking right? its 2021 this world is already shit with shitty people. 

why do i expect something like this right? i dont know.. i'm not sure what i'm expecting..

But i am grateful with my husband. he overcome all my meltdown situation in a very peaceful manner. never in my life would i even imagine someone else be able to handle my very very very depressing self. thank you sayang for that.. i hope other people that working from home just like me are doing good. 

thank you for reading.. have a nice day..