budak kecik membebel!

so this is how it begin, been trying to fight my laziness to post a blog for a while and i finally have the 'mood' to begin with.. i'm on my balcony accompanying with my two nasty red ear slider (tortoise) and a pot of pink rose flower.. it's a very superb set up i might say.  this past month i would say its a tough business for me. ending my internship and doing nothing, while waiting for any job offer is quite a depressing moment. Although at first i didn't notice how depressing i was, until my fiance point it out to me. i'm trying to go healthy, although i tried but i don't think it is healthy enough. starting with exercising and 'try' to eat less unhealthy thing. i did it for a solid month before i end up sick and get lazy and i couldn't get my momentum back. maybe today i will try to start all over again (who knows).  as for me and my fiance we 'kinda' fought a lot. but that is normal for two people that leave 351km apart

it's been awhile.. i've been doing my internship for i think almost 2 month in and i can say it is a bit of a journey for me. first of all Alhamdulillah i got offered to be working permanently in that company, although i still have another 2 month to finished my internship. second of all i am bless to be among the best people that help me, keep me company when im at a very very VERY lowest point. i am truly bless to be friend with this people and meeting with them. Although i know this is not that some kind of depression update. But for the duration of 'me not updating anything' i can say it only occur once or twice. and it is a big thing for me, because i feel happy and enjoy being me.. being myself. for a moment i don't feel like killing my self or thinking about doing stupid stuff. although i might say there is a few things that triggered me, but so far it is safe to say that i can handle it quite well.. and i do proud of it.. even thought some might see it

okay ! first of all, Hye everyone. Happy New years ! may god bless us this whole year. I just got engaged few weeks ago. One step closer i might say .. as per usual, no picture just imagine it okay. So last week or two, i've gone through some bad ugly stupid anxiety. I called em bad ugly and stupid because it is bad and ugly.. and oddly stupid reason to have an anxiety. I am an introverted person. To some people, they might see me as extrovert, but in reality i'm not. Just imagine my biggest triggered anxiety is contemplating to text or call someone and ask about things that i needed to know. U know some adult thing. I can't do that casually. Literally took an hour to pull my self together and text or call someone (strangers) .  well it does not stop there. It then comes to the point of waiting for the reply. Or hoping that the other person on the end line will not yell or belittle me for what ever my issues is. Sometimes, when i thought that i have accomplished