Update

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it's been awhile.. i've been doing my internship for i think almost 2 month in and i can say it is a bit of a journey for me. first of all Alhamdulillah i got offered to be working permanently in that company, although i still have another 2 month to finished my internship. second of all i am bless to be among the best people that help me, keep me company when im at a very very VERY lowest point. i am truly bless to be friend with this people and meeting with them. Although i know this is not that some kind of depression update. But for the duration of 'me not updating anything' i can say it only occur once or twice. and it is a big thing for me, because i feel happy and enjoy being me.. being myself. for a moment i don't feel like killing my self or thinking about doing stupid stuff. although i might say there is a few things that triggered me, but so far it is safe to say that i can handle it quite well.. and i do proud of it.. even thought some might see it as 'stupid' thing be proud of.. but HEY ! if it later makes me happy and not wanting to kill myself.. then its a good thing. keeping myself, my brain busy is somewhat help me cop with my inner demon.

lets talk about the things that triggered me.
sometimes there will always a time that you wont expecting something so weird might happened in your life. so for me, to be crossing path with my ex (the abusive one) are not something i was looking forward to. so in this particular weird experience that happen to me is.. i might say i meet his 'doppelganger.' everything about this person is the exact same as my ex. the face,smile,walking.. hair.. everything.  the first 2,3 week's i felt the horror crawling in my body. it truly felt like i meet the same person but different name. at the moment i was so sure that this person change his name so that i could not recognize him (if that make any sense). but i manage to confront my fear and talk with this guy.. the attitude and the way he think is different. and that what buys me off.. but somehow crossing path with him still makes me feel intimidated. but i keep on telling myself, that this is not the guy... and i am okay with it despite being intimidated all the time when seeing him.. HAHA !

so yeah ! that is all i guess.. tq for reading, sorry for any typo error (bcs i'm typing without my glasses). hope you guys have a wonderful year  !



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