Anxiety

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okay ! first of all, Hye everyone. Happy New years ! may god bless us this whole year. I just got engaged few weeks ago. One step closer i might say .. as per usual, no picture just imagine it okay. So last week or two, i've gone through some bad ugly stupid anxiety. I called em bad ugly and stupid because it is bad and ugly.. and oddly stupid reason to have an anxiety. I am an introverted person. To some people, they might see me as extrovert, but in reality i'm not. Just imagine my biggest triggered anxiety is contemplating to text or call someone and ask about things that i needed to know. U know some adult thing. I can't do that casually. Literally took an hour to pull my self together and text or call someone (strangers) . 

well it does not stop there. It then comes to the point of waiting for the reply. Or hoping that the other person on the end line will not yell or belittle me for what ever my issues is. Sometimes, when i thought that i have accomplished what i need to do, then comes this thought.. " ouh wait i forgot to ask this... // what if? // is it okay?// am i being rude?// did i say it nice and clearly?". And that stupid ugly anxiety came back and i am fighting my thought the whole day to be positive or try to brush it off.. But what people seeing from the outside appeared like i am having like a minor seizure  . It looks effin ugly ! And i am so sorry to anyone that felt awkward being near me. I am normal i promise ! i just can't help it. Its like a flash of memory just came strolling across my mind and i'm like shook and try to blur it out.. just imagine it i bet you get the idea how it looks like. 

so yeah ! that is all i think. Hope everyone have a wonderful weekend and a blissful years !





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