How was life?

so this is how it begin, been trying to fight my laziness to post a blog for a while and i finally have the 'mood' to begin with.. i'm on my balcony accompanying with my two nasty red ear slider (tortoise) and a pot of pink rose flower.. it's a very superb set up i might say. 

this past month i would say its a tough business for me. ending my internship and doing nothing, while waiting for any job offer is quite a depressing moment. Although at first i didn't notice how depressing i was, until my fiance point it out to me. i'm trying to go healthy, although i tried but i don't think it is healthy enough. starting with exercising and 'try' to eat less unhealthy thing. i did it for a solid month before i end up sick and get lazy and i couldn't get my momentum back. maybe today i will try to start all over again (who knows). 

as for me and my fiance we 'kinda' fought a lot. but that is normal for two people that leave 351km apart. i might say that we are getting mature about something/problem and still a few things that needed more 'trust and assurance'. but i am aware that my fiance is a very patient man and he try to cool me down and walk be through the problem slowly. and sometime there are things that i wish he could change. but me being me, i'm a complicated person to begin with, when anxiety and panic attack happen both at the same time, no amount of slow talk can comfort me. how i wish i could just be normal and not bother other people about my problem. i'm trying to change myself to be better in many aspect. the only things that i need now is not a critics but an encouragement and maybe an idea on how am i going to do it. 

another thing that some how spark my joy this past month is gardening. well not a single soul would expect 'gardening' could sparks my joy ey? it somehow starting with just randomly planting a paper mint plant and end up with a roses. to be honest i hate flower and pink. but i don't know what kind of depressing moment that end up me liking flower and pink. its just too 'girlish' for me. i always hate the idea of gardening, because it takes time and patient to deal with and i'm not that type of girl. but little did i know, gardening is somehow meditating i might say. it does teach me to be patient and the out come from it is satisfying. the ability to see how the plant grow and sprout to a beautiful and strong 'tree' is very therapeutic. i would recommend everyone to try it. since i always thought i don't have a 'green thumb' to begin with, but as for now that 'saying' is bull crap. just plant and do research on how much moisture and sun they need, that is all.. good luck !

ouh ya ! to all you anime fans out there, try watching 'orange'. complicated but the ending is satisfying. 13ep if i'm not mistaken. and you would appreciate you friends and family more, after you watch them. it's a really beautiful and complicated story and i highly recommend it.

thank you for reading this, and i hope my lousy post could help entertain someone out there. and i would appreciate an encouraging feedback. thank you and have a good day my friends.
p/s : as always if there is any typo's.. sorry.. hehe