budak kecik membebel!

it has been 3 days.. or 4.. i'm not quite sure.. everything feel nothing to me.. the urge to laugh.. to smile.. to do anything doesn't seems to be a thing to me.. its feel like death in side.. i feel zero.. i don't feel hungry at all.. i don't feel like sleeping.. i don't feel like moving.. even a muscle.. repeating and hearing sad..depress.. dark song as if its a thing for me.. pushing people to the edge.. and standing at the edge is what im doing for this past days.. i try to change.. i did try to enjoy everything.. but it doesn't seems right.. i can hold it until at some point it just does feels right.. as if im faking it.. well... i am faking it.. i push myself to do everything.. just incase.. something could make me enjoy it.. or maybe push me out of this madness.. it feels like living in a dark hole.. that i couldn't climb out.. no matter how hard i try.. i constantly feel tired.. unmotivated to do barely anything.. i think of killing myself many time.

this past week i've been under the weather..sort of..  with high fever, and depression kicking in.. my solution to every problem is spending time with my love one.. i don't really know what have happened to me this week but.. it just doesn't end really well.. every single one.. i find it's really therapeutic.. having someone to talk to.. or at least distract me from my problem.. my style of hanging out is more to food and talking.. n walking.. not really cost a fortune from me..  i'm lucky to have someone that can deal with my unexpected tears and a bunch of whining.. and some other random mood swing.. i'm happy be able to know you and love you.. n i hope this will be our last relationship till we are officially mr and mrs.. u have shown me many things that i never get to experience before.. teach me new thing that i should know/learn.. never giving up on me and the most big thing.. that u never laugh at me for my lack of many things in knowledge and experie