Ungrateful

-
sometime i'm blind, sometime i'm envious, sometime i forget, sometime i'm greedy.. but overall i'm just an ungrateful person. i'm blind when every time i was in pain, fall in great sadness i never realise god always there to give me sign to calm me down. but what did i do? i blame god for what just happened. i ask god to take my life because i give up with the trial that He give me. but what does god did to me? he keeps on helping me.. but i'm still blind. i'm still greedy and envious with what people gain. i compare my life with others, i find perfection in my life from comparing what i don't have/have. what all this makes me then? UNGRATEFUL PERSON!

i've been thru a handful of obstacle this month. from one problem to another . my stress level to the point that i wanted to drop school and kill myself or something like that.  but never did i realise every time i open youtube/twitter/instagram (millennial things during stress) i never realise that god is helping me. giving me hope from someone else. i stumble upon few inspirational post/quotes or opinion that always like 'understand me'. never did i think that god help comes in many ways either directly from Him or from others help. needless to say i sometime forget Him. 

towards the point i don't believe Him or i ignore Him (i know this words maybe controversial one day) but don't we all sometime did this? that is why we always have to renew our 'shahadah'. from what i meant 'don't believe him', for example when i did something.. i think about the negative..i always think that whatever i did it always came out worst. bcs some time i think i bring bad luck to others or i always have this bad luck/vibe in me that everything i did will turn havoc/worst. (this is the point that i meant i forget Him). never did i learn that 'kita hanya mampu merancang dan tuhan menentukan' is a thing. bcs in my mind i think if i did something i have to bear the consequences..when i did something if i can't see how is the future what is the future i'll turn nuts! this is because i forget to put my faith in Him. SO UNGRATEFUL !


dear readers.. i hope my experience/my 'kesedaran' on what i did wrong can help u realise something.. because i just did.. n i want to share with you.. there are many things that i never realise because of my 'ungrateful' thought but the moment u realise it..go straight to god. seek forgiveness. sorry for the long post.. i wanted to write more but i think u get what i'm trying to tell u here.. so no need further explanation. :))

p/s :long post.. boring? i know.. ;)


Popular posts from this blog

I'm Tired

-
Image
                                  hi ! its been awhile, how was life? how are you? are you alright? how was work? welp! mine felt like shit. its fun and games until depression hit you. it feel like shit ! currently i'm working from home its not fun. not a single bit fun working from home.  "eh untung la duduk rumah ja" " eh senang la duduk saja tak buat kje" " eh! best la tak kerja duduk rumah jaa".  working is a responsibility. there is no such think working from home and ' duduk saja'. i'm not that type of person that does not think halal/haram you money worth from working. so please.. its not fun.. u are here, conducting subordinate from afar is shit!. i am loaded with work but i have to entertain others with their work. how is it fun? how is it 'senang'? why do people take me for granted. is it fun to make fun of me? to make me feel tired and exhausted? is fun to have so many work? to be known to have so much work? well its not
Read more

Exhausted

-
Image
hi ! it's been awhile, been having depressing thought this past weeks. But somehow, i have friends and husband by my side this time around. i'm lucky to have friends that can see sign that i'm not okay even thru chatting. i'm lucky to have husband that know what to ask and know to hear me out. i'm happy.. i'm bless with them by my side.  the pressure 'working from home' during this pandemic is hard. lucky i dont have any kids yet.. can't even imagine the stress coming from it. its hard, when you are used to do everything yourself. but now you are relaying on somebody else to help with your work. the perks of 'working from home' felt like sh*t.  it turn into deep stress when the same damn thing you keep on doing over and over again..  woke up - make breakfast- meeting- shower- meeting- clean house-make dinner- sleep. i'm leaving in a loop for a moment. its depressing... as if that is my life now, and i'm tired.  flooded with house work
Read more

experiance..

-
Image
something gruesome happen yesterday.. i almost lost my finger.. almost fainted, lucky that my parent just got back from buying grocery so they help me.. whatever happen yesterday make me realise.. i just got a new story to tell my kids and grandchild.. something to be breg about.. *although its not that cool..* but hey ! not everyone get to experience this type of incident..tho i would rather not wish it happen to anyone.. because its making me traumatize for awhile.. from that i realize.. we need every inch of our body part.. it maybe a small cut but it give big impact to all..your body and your well being.. now i get it when people say "satu tempat sakit akan mempengaruhi semua.." for that i realise more.. that.. i never appreciate all the small/simplest thing that i have.. as simple as i still have all my limb intact.. or i'm lucky that this thing all happen while my parent were home.. and i did not leave alone.. i should appreciate all this thing.. god do have His
Read more