Ungrateful

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sometime i'm blind, sometime i'm envious, sometime i forget, sometime i'm greedy.. but overall i'm just an ungrateful person. i'm blind when every time i was in pain, fall in great sadness i never realise god always there to give me sign to calm me down. but what did i do? i blame god for what just happened. i ask god to take my life because i give up with the trial that He give me. but what does god did to me? he keeps on helping me.. but i'm still blind. i'm still greedy and envious with what people gain. i compare my life with others, i find perfection in my life from comparing what i don't have/have. what all this makes me then? UNGRATEFUL PERSON!

i've been thru a handful of obstacle this month. from one problem to another . my stress level to the point that i wanted to drop school and kill myself or something like that.  but never did i realise every time i open youtube/twitter/instagram (millennial things during stress) i never realise that god is helping me. giving me hope from someone else. i stumble upon few inspirational post/quotes or opinion that always like 'understand me'. never did i think that god help comes in many ways either directly from Him or from others help. needless to say i sometime forget Him. 

towards the point i don't believe Him or i ignore Him (i know this words maybe controversial one day) but don't we all sometime did this? that is why we always have to renew our 'shahadah'. from what i meant 'don't believe him', for example when i did something.. i think about the negative..i always think that whatever i did it always came out worst. bcs some time i think i bring bad luck to others or i always have this bad luck/vibe in me that everything i did will turn havoc/worst. (this is the point that i meant i forget Him). never did i learn that 'kita hanya mampu merancang dan tuhan menentukan' is a thing. bcs in my mind i think if i did something i have to bear the consequences..when i did something if i can't see how is the future what is the future i'll turn nuts! this is because i forget to put my faith in Him. SO UNGRATEFUL !


dear readers.. i hope my experience/my 'kesedaran' on what i did wrong can help u realise something.. because i just did.. n i want to share with you.. there are many things that i never realise because of my 'ungrateful' thought but the moment u realise it..go straight to god. seek forgiveness. sorry for the long post.. i wanted to write more but i think u get what i'm trying to tell u here.. so no need further explanation. :))

p/s :long post.. boring? i know.. ;)


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