When my depression talk

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For the past 23 years, i've been through some shit and some good moment. But somehow.. shit always happen in my life.. why? at some part in my life i've been through depression thinking whether i'm mad or i'm just weird. i'm still trying to figure out my path. whereas all my friend have gone through much in their life.. why am i still here? i'm still having problem with all my past and present relationship. my love life is a mess. nothing work out well, it's always be me that were left alone. i'm still dealing with dyslexia. i'm still struggling trying to finish my degree. i'm still struggling to maintain my pointer to not be under 3.0.. Am i that stupid? how can my friend have better grades? how are they so good in their study? do i look retarded? when all this question and low self esteem thinking..came all at once, makes me wanna kill myself. Makes me wanna go insane. ... ...

what i hate to hear is.. "you are a muslim how can u be depressed? when you have god.. if you pray you won't be depress.."

i'm sorry.. you are not helping me dealing with my problem.. 

i just can't control my thoughts. one small problem can cause one huge mess. 



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