budak kecik membebel!

something gruesome happen yesterday.. i almost lost my finger.. almost fainted, lucky that my parent just got back from buying grocery so they help me.. whatever happen yesterday make me realise.. i just got a new story to tell my kids and grandchild.. something to be breg about.. *although its not that cool..* but hey ! not everyone get to experience this type of incident..tho i would rather not wish it happen to anyone.. because its making me traumatize for awhile.. from that i realize.. we need every inch of our body part.. it maybe a small cut but it give big impact to all..your body and your well being.. now i get it when people say "satu tempat sakit akan mempengaruhi semua.." for that i realise more.. that.. i never appreciate all the small/simplest thing that i have.. as simple as i still have all my limb intact.. or i'm lucky that this thing all happen while my parent were home.. and i did not leave alone.. i should appreciate all this thing.. god do have His...

just now i was having a short conversation with a woman with her dyscalculia son.. the concept is similar but there are some small different.. for a dyslexic person, i personally having problem in reading and writing.. but for dyscalculia its more to calculation.. now, the thing that we both facing are similar.. some people might put us as 'retarded' or 'lembap'.for all you know.. most of the very famous person on this earth is a dyslexic ! back to my main purpose of this post.. being dyslexic doesn't mean that we are 'cacat' and we belong in 'sekolah khas..' we might see as slow.. but we do just fine when we get the hang of it.. like me personally, i sometime feels like i'm dumb.. but i learn the hard way on how to cope with my problem.. i learn that dictionary will always be my forever long best friend, and study extra time/banyak latihan is my go to things to do.. it might sound "alah poyo nyaa, nak ckp rajin ke.." well for us we...

welp ! its happening again.. trying to channel my depression through writing.. well.. hope it could help.. idk.. this past few week its not that kind of a rough week for me.. i have been making money thru my hobbies.. going out and about with my love one.. and successfully finish all the things that i should have done like a month ago.. but idk why this past few days i woke up with a heavy heart thinking bout dying.. even at night.. before going to sleep.. i hate this feeling.. my head hurt.. for the past years i have been leaving.. nope ! i am leaving in everyone expectation.. that expectation to be someone better then anyone else.. almost to the point of perfection.. that expectation like.. you have to be smart, have good grads, skinny, do perfect job, and etc. i have this stupid insecurities when i did something for instance when you cook something.. the thought of giving other to eat your cooking is really scary.. not that you did a bad job in cooking *arguable* but the thought...