Toxic Person
i thought i was fine, i guess im not.. i thought i was with the right person, i guess im not.. i thought i've found the best friend that i would ever had, i guess not.. im wrong.. i was blind.. the person that i love the most betrayed me.. the person that i believe the most, my 'best friend' betrayed me..maybe its true.. 'love' does makes people blind.. the fact that i am in a toxic relationship but i didn't realise that.. i thought he is the one.. how simple minded can i be right? after a while thing got really messed up.. my depression getting worse, i keep on forgiving people that does not deserve my forgiveness.. i blame it on me.. all me.. when the fact is, its not my fault.. how naive.. i was imprisoned in my own thought.. it was embedded in my mind that everything that happens is my fault.. everything that went wrong in this relationship is my wrong.. i should not do this.. do that.. until at one point.. thought to myself.. "am i happy right now?", "is this what u wanted?".. being me that i always think that everyone need another chance to repent and i have to please everyone, that thought has just thrown out the window.. at this point in my life, i learn that making mistake , admitting it.. and did not do any mistake and admitting is two different fucking thing.. *yeahh.. obviously..* but being me.. i didn't realise this.. for what i always think that.. i hate fight in relationship, i would rather admit the things that i didn't do rather then having this bad atmosphere.. but little did i know.. i'm a human.. and i have the right to have this emotion.. being mad, sad, or jealous.. i'm not god.. i can't please everybody.. *tho i'm writing right now with abit of hesitate..* but i should understand this simple and obvious things.. i think and i know you guys should too.. because i believe that i'm not in this alone.. some people out there probably facing the exact/similar thing as me..for what i can say.. it's okey.. we all learn from mistake and experience..
there's nothing to be ashamed of and be with people that makes u feel you.. makes you feel happy.. that never judge you from your past.. and keep reminding you that, it is okay to make mistake and rather learn from it and never did it again.. the person that never judge how you look or comment how you wear.. that understand ur freakish desire to do something..that help you get up when u feel worst..and most importantly, that love you for being you..and never try to make you feel uncomfortable in your own body.. this is the kind of person that u need to be with.. i've been thru a few month with toxic people and just a few weeks with .. i guess the right person.. i can feel the big different.. i felt love and i felt that there is still hope in this life.. i hope you find one too.. it may not be now or today or tomorrow.. but there is someone out there that are waiting for you.. don't lose hope and love yourself..
p/s : when one people hated you, just remember.. that it doesn't mean that the whole world hate you.. you still have hope..
