budak kecik membebel!

sometime i'm blind, sometime i'm envious, sometime i forget, sometime i'm greedy.. but overall i'm just an ungrateful person. i'm blind when every time i was in pain, fall in great sadness i never realise god always there to give me sign to calm me down. but what did i do? i blame god for what just happened. i ask god to take my life because i give up with the trial that He give me. but what does god did to me? he keeps on helping me.. but i'm still blind. i'm still greedy and envious with what people gain. i compare my life with others, i find perfection in my life from comparing what i don't have/have. what all this makes me then? UNGRATEFUL PERSON! i've been thru a handful of obstacle this month. from one problem to another . my stress level to the point that i wanted to drop school and kill myself or something like that.  but never did i realise every time i open youtube/twitter/instagram (millennial things during stress) i never realise that

i've been holding this back from posting it. but yeahh.. feeling depressed and super stress sometime you came across with 'toxic thought'. for the past week it have been somewhat hell for me. from project to research to assignment, somehow nothing good happened this week. i've been in bed all day for the past 4 days.. sleeping is like breathing for me.. and food are like poison. the thought of exiting my study and suicidal are everywhere. but thank god i'm still here. the bad part of me is.. i hate rejection and i despise repeating something. like redoing assignment, project and so on. for some people it may seem like nothing ' just do it again n submit'.. for me this thing is like 'i have failed to be a student..' or 'i'm stupid that is why i have to do it again'. the worst part of all this problem is when the assignment that have been appointed to you is a 'group assignment.' like seriously.. who create this? personally i thin